Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
