What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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