I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
