i think i have herpe
just one?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
