All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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