and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
