WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
