no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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