There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My penis needs a shock collar
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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