I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
