What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
