He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
