Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
