just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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