Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
