You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
