can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
