Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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