Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
