My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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