Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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