omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize