therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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