Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
