you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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