he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
