Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
