He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
