I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
