I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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