he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
