I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize