girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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