dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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