i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The feeling are messing with the penis
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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