you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize