your parents love me but you hate me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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