i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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