Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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