God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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