this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
