There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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