peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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