i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she pinky promised me she was 18
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
