We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
