why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
