I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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