He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
