Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
