We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
