there's paper in my vomit.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
