I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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