she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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