somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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