respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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