Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
