even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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