Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
