There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize