I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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