You just made me feel so damn special
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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